Josh Hossler | 05/15/2018
A few years ago I needed help. I was struggling and life was closing in around me. I needed someone needed to help pull me out. I ended up seeing a professional counselor and it was the best thing I could’ve done. There were a lot things the counselor said that helped unlock my thinking, but the greatest takeaway was this little phrase…
“Most (if not all) conflict is a result of unmet expectations.”
Then he went on to explain. This one phrase unlocked so much in my head regarding relational conflict that I share it with practically anyone I can. Here is what he unpacked…
Hurt and frustration (ie – conflict) come when we have expectations of someone and those aren’t met. Mom expects daughter to [fill in the blank]. She doesn’t and there’s conflict. Worker expects their boss/company to [fill in the blank]. They don’t and there’s conflict.
All pretty simple so far. The problem is not everyone has the same expectations, and therein lies the rub. My counselor went on to explain that there are essentially three types of expectations, and this is where this really begins to open up. When I heard this, it was like a huge portal got opened up in my brain and I now understood why there was conflict in my marriage, conflict and discontentedness with myself, and in general where the origin of all conflict lies. The beauty is, once we identify the origin of something, it makes it much much easier to work on.
Acknowledge the expectations you have. Evaluate them to see if they are reasonable or need to be adjusted. Then clearly communicate those to come to agreed upon and fair expectations. Most (if not all) conflict is a result of unmet expectations.
“As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18
That’s it for now. In my next post I’ll tackle some next steps for conflict resolution. Would love to hear your thoughts and what you’ve learned about conflict resolution. Feel free to comment below.
Josh Hossler | Lead PastorJosh is the founding and Lead Pastor of Evident Church. He is passionate about helping people find their purpose and follow Jesus. Josh enjoys his family, preaching, leadership, writing, and is also is an adjunct professor of philosophy at Rochester University in Rochester Hills, MI. He and his wife Raelyn, have three daughters, AvaRae, AdaLyn, and AnaBel.
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