“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” James‬ ‭1:12‬

When Pastor Josh asked me to write a blog post, I knew immediately what topic I wanted to share on. I told him I could write a book on this subject of waiting by now.

My husband, Cam, and I met our second semester of college. I was 18, he was 19, and I had vowed to myself as a young teenager that I was going to wait for my future husband; I wasn’t going to waste my time dating any random guy unless I knew he was the one I would marry. And I did. Cam knew the moment he saw me and I knew within a month of meeting him that we were going to marry each other. We were just starting our college careers, and Cam knew that we needed to wait until we were done with college and had solid jobs before we could get married and be able to stand on our own feet. We ended up dating for 5.5 years before we were able to finally get married and start our lives together. The wait was torturous, but I realized very shortly after getting married how thankful I was for his stubbornness in ensuring we were financially ready.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah‬ ‭55:8-9‬

We began our marriage in a humble one bedroom apartment, and started saving to purchase a house we could raise a family in. After 2.5 years of saving, we started looking at houses in our area. We found one that we fell in love with on a beautiful quiet street that we thought was perfect for us. I saw this as our opportunity to start growing our family and life, I started envisioning what we could do to the house to make it our own, and we moved ahead with the next steps to put an offer in. We realized before we signed our offer that the closing costs through our current mortgage lender were astronomical, and we couldn’t afford to purchase any house under those high costs. That being our first home buying experience, we were absolutely crushed; we didn’t realize there were other options for lenders who didn’t charge such a high cost for paperwork, so we stopped our house search and hunkered down while we licked our wounds and continued saving. About a year later in February of 2017, we started up our search again with an amazing new mortgage broker, and started the long, heartbreaking process of falling in love with houses and putting in offer after offer only to be continually beat out by cash investors. We prayed with each house that God would open the doors if it was the right house, and close the doors if it wasn’t. We would end up putting an offer on 5 houses before we found “the one”. Finally, in July of that year we toured our house. We both knew the moment we walked through the doors of that charming 1925 colonial that this was the one. We ran home, wrote a heartfelt letter to the woman who had owned it since 1948, included a photo of ourselves, met with our realtor again, signed the offer papers, and our realtor hand delivered our offer at 7pm. I cried (literally) out to God with the same prayer I had for all of the other houses; that if this wasn’t the one, please close the doors, as difficult as that was to pray. By 8:30 that evening, we heard the news that the seller had accepted our offer against another one that was already on the table, and cancelled all of the showings that were scheduled the next day. We were absolutely ecstatic. Now that we’ve been living in that house for 6 months, we can look back and see God’s hand in every step of the process, closing the doors on all of the other houses to ensure we got this one, the perfect one for us in the most perfect timing imaginable.

I haven’t always been a very graceful “waiter” (Cam is much better at it than I am). Through our seasons of waiting I’ve cried out to God in anger more times than I care to admit, not understanding why He would ask us to wait so long, and why every big step we want to take in life is such a heartbreaking process for us. It’s easy to look back now and see how perfectly God was timing everything, and I’m so thankful for His never ending grace that is poured out on me through my doubting and questioning. So I’ve included a few things below that I’ve learned along the way which have helped me tremendously through the seasons of waiting.

• Cultivate thankfulness – Praise Him for his faithfulness. I’ve found that I have to proclaim it aloud; I have to share with others the good things He has already done for me; not to gloat, but to truly show how amazing God is. There’s no time to wallow in self pity when I’m recognizing and giving due praise for all of the wonderful things I’ve already been blessed with, and realizing that true joy doesn’t come from these things anyway. Something else that really helps me if I’m stuck is listening to worship music that reminds me of his faithfulness.
• Stop comparing myself to others. Others’ blessings do not mean God is holding out on me. How boring and predictable would life be if we all had the same exact path to follow? My timeline is God’s love story to me; He is working on my heart through my waiting and piecing our story together perfectly, as it should be for us. He will do the same for you and your story.
• Reach out to others for prayer. We were meant to do life together, to share in each other’s burdens, to mourn with each other, and rejoice with each other. Knowing that we’ve had such a solid group of prayer warriors surrounding us and cheering us on has helped us more than I could have imagined.
• Trust that His timing is perfect. God is not slow in fulfilling His promises to us. He is drawing me closer to Him, teaching me things I would never retain if I weren’t waiting and focused on Him, and preparing me for the blessings He has in store. I have to lean on Him fully through the wait.
• If He does bless me with what I’ve prayed for, it’s so much more miraculous and sweet. I cannot look back at the things I have now that I once cried out to God for and not see His hand in every single detail making the way for us. He makes His presence so much more tangible, and finally receiving the blessing we’ve been waiting for is that much more exciting and wonderful; I can truly see the miracle in every provision when I’ve trusted Him completely for it.
• He will never leave me. Some of the sweetest times I’ve had with God are the times He has held me together and walked with me through the wait. He has NEVER abandoned me and said “good luck, you’re on your own!”. He is so faithful to walk with us through the storm.
• If not, He is still good. Pastor Josh spoke recently about trusting God when our faith doesn’t produce the results we’re looking for. When we’re doing everything “right” but we’re not reaping the benefits of our actions. This spoke so closely to my heart. We have to know that God works so above and beyond the timeline we think works for us. He works through our pain and waiting, bringing more good to us and more glory to Himself than would ever be possible if He came through on our timing. And know that if He never gives you the thing you’re longing for, HE IS STILL GOOD, and He in His infinite wisdom knows that a different path is better for your good and for His glory.

“I will give thanks to you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High.” Psalm‬ ‭9:1-2‬

Cam and I are quickly approaching our 10 year anniversary of when we started dating, and are currently in our next season of waiting as we continue to pray for the blessing of a baby. We recently lost our first baby early in my pregnancy, and we are both grieving the loss of a life that we have been waiting so long for. Again, I have to remind myself constantly of His faithfulness, His PERFECT timing, and cultivate true thankfulness for the blessings He has poured out on us so far, including the precious life that grew in me for such a short time. Through sharing our story, we found so many other couples who have gone through the same thing, and who have felt so alone in their grief until now because no one talks about miscarriage. I’m so thankful knowing that our baby made a difference, that our loss wasn’t for nothing. God works like that, bringing good out of the most heartbreaking of situations when we trust Him to do so. I have to keep in mind that if He never blesses us with healthy, living babies and the gift of being a mama to children on this earth (which I have waited my whole life for), HE IS STILL GOOD. He still has good things planned for our lives, He will never leave us, and He is still worthy of our praise.

“The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. Sing the praises of the LORD, enthroned in Zion; proclaim among the nations what he has done.” Psalm‬ ‭9:9-11‬